The Interview
by Spyder1070
Summary: Back in 2007, a young female journalist, is given the opportunity of a life time.
1. The Interview

_Sometime back in 2007, a very young, junior journalist, was sent to get an interview with the members of the band Gorillaz. _

**Interviewer:** How old are you?

**Murdoc:** _(Folds arms and flops back in chair. Disgusted.)_ Oh you are kidding me? Why do people insist on asking that?_ (Grumble.)_ It's not like anyone really wants to know.

**2D:** Ummm? 29. I fink? Hang on, I gotta work this out. _(Counts off on fingers.)_ 1...2...3...

**Murdoc:** Careful D. You'll blow a fuse. Heh, heh.

**Russel:** Why did I agree tah do dis with dese two? 32.

_**(Russel and 2D stare at Murdoc, waiting for him to answer.)**_

**Murdoc:** What? Why are you staring? Don't tell me you really want me to answer that?

**Russel:** 41.

**Murdoc:** Of all the... A very young 41!

**Interviewer:** What is your height?

**Murdoc:** This just gets better and better? _(Grins.)_ Shorter than him.

**2D:** Taller than him.

**Russel:** _(Shrugs and rolls his eyes.)_ Taller than dah both of dem.

**Murdoc:** _(Sings.)_ And wider than the ocean bluuuuuue.

**Russel:** _(Cringes.)_ I'll pay yah $50 tah neva do dat again.

**Murdoc:** I'll take the money. But I promise nothing.

**Interviewer:** How much do you weigh?

**Murdoc: **_**(**__Breaks out in a gale of laughter, holding his stomach, and pointing at Russel.)_

**Russel:** Ya ain't funny. Ya cracker ass.

**2D:** _(Has fallen asleep on Russel's arm.)_

**Murdoc:** _(Still laughing.)_ Weeeeell? Are you going to answer the little journalist?

**Russel:** _(Utters a low deep growl.)_ Somebody wake dis guy up? He's droolin' on my arm. _(Prods 2D. 2D falls on floor.)_ Neva mind.

**Interviewer:** What are your bad habits?

**Russel:** He _(Points at Murdoc.)_ goes out, but fo'gets not tah come back.

**Murdoc:** I hate you.

**2D:** Smokin', drinkin'...? Puppies.

**Russel:** Puppies?! Maaan. How are...? Neva mind. Jus' go back tah sleep.

**Murdoc:** I'll answer that question. Buh, but first, I'll just go for a quick slash. _(Walks over to a potted plant in the corner. Russel and 2D spot him.)_

**Russel/2D:** NO!!!

**Murdoc:** Whaaaat? Oh fine. Whatever. _(Waves them off and goes off in search of a toilet.)_

**2D:** There is that? _(Points to plant in corner. Looks at Russel.)_

**Russel:** Dat is true. He seems tah have dis deep seated loathin' for plants...? Well anyt'in' 'live a'chually. 'specially if dere potted. _(Shrugs.)_

**2D:** Yeah.... _(Long Pause.)_ And they're rented. _(Nods.)_

**Russel:** What?

**2D:** Yeah. He told me he rents 'em. That way he doesn' need tah care about 'em. If they die, he just gets someone out tah replace 'em.

**Murdoc:** Honey! I'm home!

**Russel:** See what I mean? Goes out, fo'gets NOT tah come back. _(Sneers at Murdoc.)_

**Murdoc:** Huh?

**2D:** _(Cringes.)_ Next question please.

**Interviewer:** Who's your mate?

**Murdoc:** As in friend? HA!

**Russel:** _(Rolls eyes and slaps hand over face in frustration.)_ Can't ya just once! Take dis seriously? Single. Unmarried.

**2D:** Me to.

**Murdoc:** Ohhhhhh. Yeah me to.

**Interviewer:** Do you have any kids?

**Russel:** No.

**2D:** Whyyyy? Has someone said sumfink? _(Looks around nervously.)_

**Murdoc:** Yes.

_**(The other two stare at Murdoc. Mouths agape in shock.)**_

**Murdoc:** They were delicious. _(Grins.)_

_**(Russel stands, walks over to a wall, and starts bashing his head against it.)**_

**2D:** _(Rubs his own forehead, while watching Russel.) _My head hurts.

**Murdoc:** _(Rolls eyes.)_ Oh fer Satan's sake. NEXT!

**Interviewer:** What's your favourite food?

**Murdoc:** Well fer Russ. All you have to do, is get a food encyclopaedia.... _(Is cut off by Russel standing and staring down at him. Murdoc smiles and giggles at Russel.)_

**2D:** I'm allergic to pickles.

**Murdoc:** Anything with alcohol in it. Cheers. _(Opens little bottle of Scotch, and sculls it.)_

**Interviewer:** Have you killed anyone?

**Murdoc:** How much time have we got? _(Stares at Russel.)_

**Russel: **Dat's funny. I woz jus' t'inkin' dah same thang. (_Stares at Murdoc.)_

**2D:** I don't fink so? (_Scratches head thinking.)_

**Murdoc:** _(Smiling at Russel.)_ You don't scare me you know.

**Interviewer:** Do you hate anyone?

**Russel:** Right now? Murdoc.

**Murdoc:** Everybody. Excluding myself, but especially him. (_Points at camera man. Suddenly realizes what Russel said and shoots him a confused look.)_ What?

**2D:** (_Zoned out.)_ Heh, heh. Pigeons.

_**(Both men stare at 2D.)**_

**Murdoc:** Actually....? There's not much meat on a pigeon.

**Russel:** Oh Maaan! Do ya haffta...?

**Interviewer:** Do you love anyone?

**Russel:** I'll answer for Murdoc. HIMSELF!

**Murdoc:** I thank you very much! _(Stands up and gives everyone a flourishing bow.)_ Eh, eh, especially in the mornings. Ahhh, there was this one morning... (_Russel cuts him off.)_

**Russel:** Please, no! (_Puts hands over ears.)_

**2D:** I like Murdoc.

**Russel/Murdoc:** WHAT!!??

Murdoc: You dirty little sod.

**2D:** What? She wanted to know if yah liked anyone? (_Points at interviewer.)_

**Russel:** No D. If yah LOVED anyone?

**2D:** (_Blushes.)_ Oh! Sorry. I misheard the question.

**Interviewer:** Do you have a job?

**Murdoc/2D/Russel:** Gorillaz?

**Murdoc:** And 2D has a part time job, as a speed hump at Tescos.

**2D:** No I don't... _(Pause._) Do I? (_Scratches head.)_

**Interviewer:** Sorry I read the question wrong. What jobs did you have before?

**2D:** Uncle Norms.

**Murdoc:** Grave digger, tele-sales, soup-seller, Christmas Santa.

**2D/Russel:** (_Laughter.)_

**Russel: **Santa.

**Murdoc:** Shuddup! I only did it for the cash. Mind you, there were fringe benefits.

**Russel:** Oh yeah? Like...?

**Murdoc:** Weeeell. Every Santa has his elves, heh, heh. And lovely ones toooo. We really got that workshop rrrrockin. (_Leers.)_

**Russel:** Yo' ass, is every parents wors' nightmare. Ya dig?

**Interviewer:** What do you do to relax?

**2D:** Melodicas, video games, zombie movies....

**Russel:** Eating, cooking, taxidermy.

**Murdoc:** Umm? (_Is immediately cut off by Russel.)_

**Russel:** Trust me! Yah don' wanna know. NEXT!!

**Interviewer:** What is your favorite song?

**Murdoc:** So many to choose from.... I did rather like Guns 'n' Roses "Welcome to the jungle."

_**(Murdoc Stands up and looks as though he is about to sing. Russel quickly grabs $50 dollars from his pocket, and slaps it into Murdoc's hand. Murdoc looks down at it, grins, and sits down.)**_

**Russel:** It's hard coz tastes change everyday. But I'll say "Miss Demeanour." By Missy Elliot.

**2D:** "Punks Beatles." By the Buzzcocks. That woz a good one.

**Interviewer:** What is your favourite alcoholic beverage?

**Murdoc:** (_Adopts an upper-class, posh accent.)_ I'm rather partial to Absinthe.

**2D:** Why are ya talkin' all posh?

**Murdoc:** I dunno? I'm bored.

**2D:** Oh. Um? Whatever is left after Muds is finished.

**Murdoc:** I'm never finished I tells yah. NEVERRRR! _(Shakes fist.)_

**2D: (**_Giggles.) _Probably explains why I'm still sober then?

Murdoc: (_Chuckles.)_ Brilliance. Sheer bloody brilliance.

**2D:** Really?

**Murdoc:** No!

**2D:** Oh.

**Interviewer:** Have you been in any other groups?

**Murdoc:** Patchoulii Clark, that was my first. We had... err? Problems.

**Russel:** Yeah. No talent.

**Murdoc:** Quiet in back! Where was I? Bullworker, Crimson Backdraft, Durango 95, Aaaaand a few others. (_Waves off the question.)_

**2D:** What woz the question again?

**Murdoc:** Does your ankle hurt?

**2D:** Oh. (_Looks down at them.) _ No.

**Murdoc:** (_Kicks 2D in the ankle.)_ What about now?

**2D:** Ow. Yes.

**Interviewer:** What is your sign?

**Murdoc/Russel/2D:** Gemini!

_**(All look at one another.)**_

**Murdoc:** Freaky!

**Russel: **_(Talking almost to himself, as he works it out.) _ 2D is on dah 23rd of May... Dat's kind'a a cusp with Taurus... Ends 24th... I'm 3rd June and 'im ova dere, _(Waves vaguely at Murdoc.)_ he's 6th of June... Hmm? Yeah. Dat makes us all Gemini.

**Murdoc: **Sooo, did you and yourself have a lovely conversation then?

**Russel:** _(Flips Murdoc the finger.)_

**_Murdoc:_**Well I never. _(Chuckles.)_

**Interviewer:** What is your most prized possession?

**Murdoc:** My Winnebagooooh, and the El Diablo. Rrrreally twangy. Heh, heh.

**2D:** Umm?

**Russel: **The Hip Hop Machine.

**2D:** Umm?

**Murdoc:** Really? I would of thought you'd say the stove? Ahaw, haw, haw, hawww.

**2D:** Umm? My melodica.

**Interviewer:** What kind of pants are you wearing?

**Murdoc:** I knew there was something I fergot to do this morning! _(Scratches the stubble on his chin as if thinking.)_

**2D:** ACK!

**Russel:** Oh maaan!

**2D:** I fought you woz walkin' funny.

**Murdoc:** Pfft! I was jokin' Heh, heh. Mind you, it would make things a whole lot easier?

**Russel:** Dats it. I'm outta here. (_Leaves.)_

**2D:** I like ice-cream. (_Grins and leaves, accidentally locking himself in a cupboard on the way out.)_

**Murdoc:** _(Watches camera man walking back to his van, to pack his equipment away. Grins evilly, and turns to the journalist.) _I guess that leaves me and you luv. Sooo, you wanna private tour of the Winnie then?

**Interviewer: **Umm? I'm not sure.

**Murdoc: **C'mooon. It'll be like an exclusive inside look into the world of Murdoc. Eh? Sound good?

**Interviewer:** Actually...?

**Murdoc:** You know you do, so here we go then. _(Walks her back to his Winnie.)_

_Half an hour later, a rather disturbed looking junior journalist, wanders back to the van she arrived in. The next morning she is placed in a mental asylum, for the seriously confused. _


	2. An Interview with Murdoc

_Finally released from the asylum, the journalist is given the opportunity to work at a magazine again, if she can get a decent, and serious interview, with Murdoc. Pushing all the bad memories of the last time she was with the horrible, green man aside. She searches high and low for the band. In the car park outside a local Tescos, she spies a very familiar looking, mustard colored, Winnebago..._

_Interview begins...._

**Interviewer:** Murdoc, so nice to see you. So how have things been recently?

**Muds:** _(Looks at the woman carefully, sure he knows her from somewhere.) _Not bad, not bad luv. Err? Did have a little difficulty with that Ceri fellow. But after, ehhh, after a bit of masterful negotiation on my part. Eh, I sorted him out. Hah, have you seen the film by the way? Brilliant it is.

**Interviewer:** Yes I have. It certainly gives everything a whole new perspective.

**Muds:** Yeah, although it'd of been a disaster if I hadn't added my own unique bit of flair. He's lucky I was feeling generous that day. _(Folds his arms over his chest, confidently.)_

**Interviewer:** You mean the ahem, "sex tape"?

**Muds:** Thaaaaaat's the one. _(Winks and runs his snaky tongue, over his shark-like teeth.)_

**Interviewer:** _(Shudders.)_ Who was the other guy in that again? _(Smiles almost evilly at him.)_

**Muds:** Eh? I have no idea what you mean. Sooo! _(Waves the question off, unconcerned.)_

**Interviewer:** I heard about Kong "accidentally" burning down.

**Muds:** Unfortunate. Unfortunate. Still don't understand why she didn't sell really. I, eh, I mean the potential there, was just oozing from the walls. If I hadn't already owned it, I would of bought it. Just needed a spot of paint really.

**Interviewer:** Oh? Ummm? Wasn't the ceiling falling down in some places though?

**Muds:** Well, yeah. But nothing a person with an imagination couldn't fix. _(Shrugs.)_

**Interviewer:** I suppose so. Leading up to the recent events, you had been searching Hell for Noodle, hadn't you? How did that work out then?

**Muds:** Ahhh, now that people would of paid money to see. I was brilliant. You should of seen me. Like ah, one of those gladiators. Slicing, dicing, and hacking my way through the pointy hordes. Heh, heh.

**Interviewer:** And Noodle?

**Muds:** Yeah. She ahem, helped a bit. _(Studies nails, as if bored.)_

**Interviewer:** 2D?

**Muds:** Huh? He wasn't there. One look at that lot, aaaaand he would of run off screaming like the idiotic ponce he is!

**Interviewer:** No, I mean what has 2D been doing? Last we saw, he seemed to be in his room in some kind of coma?

**Muds:** Ohhhhh, I see what you mean. I haven't a clue. Juh, just a bit too busy fighting demons, arguing with people, and making that moron Hewlett and his idiot friend famous. _(Rolls eyes.)_

**Interviewer:** I hope he wasn't in Kong when it burned down?

**Muds:** Ahhhhhh, hm? I can't remember. Busy running away to form some kind of alibi. _(Scratches the stubble on his chin, thinking.)_

**Interviewer:** Pardon?

**Muds:** Nothing, nothing.

**Interviewer:** So what makes Murdoc Niccals laugh?

**Muds:** Huh?

**Interviewer:** Well, everyone has a sense of humour. I'm curious as to what makes you laugh? Really laugh I mean?

**Muds:** Hmm? I do like the classics. But I suppose if I was to pick one thing....?

**Interviewer:** Yeeees?

**Muds:** _(Phone rings.)_ Hang on luv. Gotta get this. Hello?.... What?.... Noooo, I don't?.... Pfft! When?.... Ohhhh. Well that wasn't me..... No. I was errr? Somewhere else..... I'd like to see you try mate! _(Hangs up.)_ Sorry, err? Some fool trying to sell me insurance, or some crap. What was the question again?

**Interviewer:** Um? Can't remember...? Never mind. So what's next for Gorillaz? The film is playing on Bablegum at the moment, and due for release 1st of June. I believe you have an album out soon?

**Muds:** That's right. It's a bit more experimental than the first two. Buuut I'm sure the fans will love it. We are hoping to tour more extensively with this one. More of a chance for me to waggle my bum and show those industry twits, what real music is all about. Heh, heh.

**Interviewer:** _(Feeling strangely comfortable with the horrible man, smiles and giggles.)_ I guess so. One last word for the fans before we go?

**Muds:** Testicles. Ah, haaaaa! No, seriously. Um, lets see? There's no sense in jumping on a band wagon, when it's obvious the wheels fell off it months ago. How's that?

**Interviewer:** Not bad.

**Muds:** Oh fine. Ummm? I'm wearing Cuban heels you know?

**Interviewer:** Oh, nice.

**Muds:** Genuine leather. Feel the quality.

**Interviewer:** Mmm, they are nice.

**Muds:** yeeeeaaaah. Wah, wanna go a bit higher up? Juh, just there.

**Interviewer:** What, here?

**Muds:** Ahhh, yeeeah. Juh,juh, just a little higher. Here!

**Interviewer:** Wait a minute! Mr Niccals!?

**Muds:** What! I eh, I'm just letting you touch the quality luv.

**Interviewer:** That wasn't what you were pointing at!

**Muds:** Pfft. Your just shy. C'mon you know you want to.

**Interviewer:** I dunno? _(Remembers what happened last time, and isn't sure she wants a repeat performance.)_

**Muds:** C'mmmon. I'll show you some moves that'll knock yer fillings out.

**Interviewer:** _(Thinks and decides it was a long time ago, maybe the old man has mellowed since then?) _Promise not to tell anyone about this?

**Muds:** Suuuuuure. Whatever rrrrrocks yer boat.

**Interviewer:** _(Gives up.) _Fine.

**Muds:** I knew you couldn't resist me.

**Interviewer:** It's kind of hard with you just sitting there.

**Muds:** Oh, trust me. It was hard before you got here.

**Interviewer:** Huh?

**Muds:** What?.... Oh. Yeah, ahem. Thought you were talking about something else. Heh, heh. Never mind. Follow me.

_Interview ends...._

_Half an hour later, a very annoyed journalist walks back to her car. She climbs in, slamming the door behind her, and muttering obscenities to herself, kicks the car into life. She screeches out of the driveway, and roars down the road._


	3. An Interview with 2D

_After being yelled at by the boss, because although the interview with Murdoc was okay, it wasn't exactly the ground breaking masterpiece he wanted, the journalist is sent back to try one last time. Not wanting another confrontation with a certain bassist, she decides to give 2D a try._

_Interview begins..._

**Interviewer:** Oh no, you look fine. Ahem, thank you for taking the time to talk to me today.

**2D:** Really? I fink the other one woz nicer though? _(Looking down at shirt.)_

**Interviewer:** No really, blue suits you.

**2D:** Yeah, coz I have blue hair. _(Furrows brow at Interviewer.)_

**Interviewer:** Moving on...

**2D:** But we only just sat down?

**Interviewer:** No, I mean with the conversation.

**2D:** Oh sorry.

**Murdoc:** Well helloooooo. Whaugh, wha. Back for more I see. Can't blame you.

**Interviewer:** Ohhh no you don't. _(Stands up and backs away.)_ You come near me again, and I'll call the police.

**2D:** Police? They woz an Australian band, weren't they?

**Murdoc:** _(Ignoring 2D. Walking across to the Interviewer.)_ Call them! And the fire brigade, SAS, Scotland Yard. I don't care, I like an audience. _(Winks.)_ Sooooo, what's happening here then?

**2D:** I'm being interviewed. _(Turns in chair to look back at them both.)_

**Murdoc:** Really? _(Pause.) _Why? Stick with me luv. I'm much more sssssstimulating.

**Interviewer:** Contagious more like.

**Murdoc:** Oh, well I wouldn't worry about it. Just keep applying the cream, and it'll clear up eventually.

**2D:** Ewwwwwww. I saw sumfink wot looked like that cream stuff in the fridge.

**Murdoc: **Did you?

**2D: **Yeah. I wondered who it woz for?

**Murdoc:** Champagne mmmah'dear? _(Picks up a glass of champagne from the table, and shoves it in the interviewers hand.)_

**Interviewer:** Errr? No thanks, I'm not thirsty. _(She goes to hand it back to him.)_

**2D:** I am. _(Reaches over and takes glass, quickly sculling the contents.)_

**Murdoc:** Noooo! Oh bollocks.

**2D: **Ummm? _(Looks nervously into empty glass.)_ Wot woz in it?

**Interviewer: **_(Eyes Murdoc suspiciously.)_ Yes Mr Niccals. What was in it?

**Murdoc:** _(Grumbling.)_ Champagne! _(Snatches glass from 2D.)_ Very expensive tooooo. _(Grumble.)_ Not for this... arse, peasant. Moron! _(Slaps 2D in the back of the head.)_

**2D: **Sorry Muds. _(Ducks expecting another.)_ I woz firsty.

**Interviewer: **_(Impatiently folding arms over her chest.)_ I'd like to interview 2D now, please.

**Murdoc:** _(Tosses empty glass over shoulder.)_ Luv, luuuuv. Why? I'm much more interesting. The most you'll get out of him, ehh, is snoring and zombies.

**2D: **And melodicas.

**Murdoc:** _(Annoyed.)_ And... melodicas. _(Rolls eyes.)_

**Interviewer:** I was hoping to ask him what he thought of the Bananaz film?

**2D:** Bananas film? Did someone make a film about bananas? That'd be really boring though... Wouldn't it? They'd just lay there, and be all like... bananary? Or sumfink?

**Murdoc:** Errr, yeah? Nice to see yer keeping up with current events there, D.

**2D:** Are they in it to?

**Murdoc:** What, who?

**2D:** Currants?

**Murdoc:** What? _(Thinks. Realizes what he means.)_ Oh fer fucks.... Shudduuuup!

**Interviewer: **_(Eyes 2D curiously.)_ Yeeeeeah. I umm?

**Murdoc:** _(Sees the way she's looking at him and smiles.)_ Hey, you wanted to interview him.

**Interviewer:** _(Snaps an angry look at Murdoc.)_ Tsk.

**Murdoc:** Don't look at me like it's my fault!

**Interviewer:** You ran him over with a car! It's probably entirely your fault.

**2D:** I feel kind'a sleepy.

**Murdoc:** _(Ignores 2D.)_ Listen luv. I don't judge you on yer lifestyle choices. Besides, as I've said before. If he hadn't of been poncing about in the first place....

**Interviewer:** _(Also ignores 2D.)_ Don't you dare bring my lifestyle into this! And as far as I understood it, he wasn't poncing. He was working!

**Murdoc:** Ohhhhh. Is that what you call it? I thought it was just a whole lot of standing around, playing with your hair. Silly me.

**2D:** Very... Um? Slee... _(Falls off chair, unconscious, onto the floor.)_

**Interviewer:** _(So angry at Murdoc, she fails to notice 2D is lying on the floor.) _At least he keeps his pants on!

**Murdoc: **_(Looks down at 2D, shrugs and ignores him.)_ Only because he doesn't have the charisma to do what I do.

**Interviewer:** Charisma!

**Murdoc:** Yeah. And style!

_**(Murdoc and the Interviewer stare at each other. Her, angry and panting furiously, while Murdoc is grinning and looking rather confident.)**_

**Murdoc:** Sure you don't wanna go another round with me?

**Interviewer:** Quite! You disgusting pervert.

**Murdoc:** You might as well luv. _(Points down at 2D.)_ Coz he's dead you know.

**Interviewer:** _(Finally looks down at 2D, asleep on the floor.)_ Oh! He's not is he?

**Murdoc:** _(Shrugs.)_ I dunno? Don't care either. Shall we? _(Offers her his elbow.)_

**Interviewer:** Mr Niccals, please. _(Rolls eyes.)_

**Murdoc:** Well it's better than standing around here, waiting fer Sleeping Beauty to finish his nap. _(Folds arms over chest and half smiles at Interviewer.)_

**Interviewer:** _(Looks from Murdoc to the sleeping 2D. Thinking.)_ Tsk. Fine, fine. _(Takes Murdoc's arm.)_

**Murdoc:** You won't regret this you know? _(Walks her to his Winnie.)_

**Interviewer:** You did that on purpose, didn't you? _(Tips head back in 2D's direction.)_

**Murdoc:** _(Opening door and inviting her to step inside.)_ Maaaaaaybe?

**Interviewer:** Whatever. _(Rolls eyes.)_ Could you not steal my purse this time?

**Murdoc:** Look luv, I don't tell you how to do yer job... _(Slams door behind them.)_

_Interview ends..._


End file.
